Ever after reality

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I trust that everyone had a nice Valentine’s Day. I’m sporting a new little emerald on my ring finger. It pays to hint. Sometimes hinting is not enough, as I learned from some of my sister-friends this week. I suppose we are all different, but I have lived with the same sweet man for almost thirty-one years and I think I have some of this happily ever after figured out. You create your own reality.

Here’s an example. A woman went into her counselor’s office and lamented for the entire hour about how she wanted a divorce. Her husband was horrible! He never took her anywhere, never said he loved her, never gave her gifts or compliments and was just a good for nothing jerk.

The counselor gave the woman some homework. He told her, in order to ask her husband for a divorce she would need to make sure she had done everything in her power to take the high road in every circumstance. She was to compliment him every day, invite him out on dates, buy him little gifts and tell him she loved him, even if she didn’t feel it.She was to completely ignore anything negative or unkind and continue practicing her assignment no matter how he responded. She was to come back in a month to report how it went.

At her follow up appointment, she was asked if divorce proceedings had been started. Shocked, the woman asked the counselor, why on earth she would want to divorce a man who was such a gem. He had become the most thoughtful, responsive, romantic man she had ever known.

Well imagine that, point scored by the golden rule.

I find that men tend to be a little clueless when it comes to love. I don’t mean in any way to bash the entire gender but it’s true. Oh yes, they write a good love song and occasionally one will even write a novel or two that stirs the heartstrings, but they can’t all be Nicholas Sparks.

Most men are so busy trying to keep their families afloat they can’t focus on anything else. They don’t realize on top of saving the world they have to be tender daddies and heroic lovers, too! I think we girls need to cut them some slack.

I learned a long time ago that my man wants to make me happy. He truly finds joy in it.. I don’t think he is a dying breed. I believe most men want the same thing. The problem lies in knowing what to do. If we can see past the fact they aren’t psychic and just give them some ideas, it helps.

A wise pastor friend tells husbands to “be a student of your wife, learn all you can about her.” Ladies, it helps if we give them some ‘CliffNotes’!

I think we can all benefit from bragging on our men for any little step in the right direction. Tell him thank you for what he does right and bite that tongue when tempted to criticize. He notices when you speak well of him in front of others. He stands a little taller and tries a little harder when he knows you esteem him. I don’t know of a soul who has ever been changed by a whining, nagging wife. Instead, try this.

Send him e-mails that state why you would marry him again in a heartbeat.

Leave love notes in his lunch, car or Bible.

Wear perfume he likes.

Ask him out on a date.

Speak positively about him in front of others.

Make a CD or playlist of songs that bring back special memories.

Tell him he’s a good husband/father.

Remember, it’s never too late to live happily ever after.

It’s never too late to live happily ever after.

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