BY WALT ALBRITTON
My friends tell me they admire how strong I have been since the death of my son, Mark, on Jan. 15. I thank them for their kind words. But the truth is, I am not always strong; there are weak moments when sorrow descends upon me like a dark cloud.
In those gloomy moments, regrets flood my mind, tormenting me with “if only” guilt. That leads to wrestling with the remorse of things I could have, and should have, done.
When that happens, I want to be alone so no one can tell me how strong I am. I want to hide somewhere and cry for a few days, all the while pleading with God to forgive me for not being the sensitive, compassionate man I wish I had been.
So far, however, when this storm of regrets is raging in my soul, and I think my boat is about to sink, I feel a hand squeezing mine, and a voice saying what centuries ago God said to Isaiah: “I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (41:13).
That voice awakens my faith, driving the cloud of doubts away. I know immediately it is the voice of Jesus, my Lord.
I squeeze his hand and say, “Thank you Jesus, for not letting go of my hand.”
He replies, “Walter, I know your regrets are troubling you so I want you to give those regrets to me. In their place I am going to fill your heart with peace. My peace will turn your sorrow into joy. That will free you from guilt and empower you to resume serving me with a joyful heart.”
In that moment I realized that I never need to “be strong” but to remember that Jesus is my strength. So when people think I am strong, they are really admiring Jesus in me, for without Him I am the epitome of weakness.
During a recent morning devotional time, two words leaped out of a sentence by the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:15 – “Christ died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
The two words are “for him.” Two words that sum up how I need to live the rest of my life! Look at it as I did: Christ died for me. “Those who live” include me. And I should “no longer live for myself,” but for him – the Christ who died for me!
Add “live” to the two words and you have what I need to be doing for the remainder of my life – Live for him! To do that, I must give my regrets to Jesus so they cannot paralyze me in the darkness of remorse.
I must arise every morning looking for ways, simple ways, to live for Him. Yes, I am weak in some ways, but I am not a victim of grief; I am a victor in the strength of the indwelling Christ. And whatever I do, whether in word or deed, to quote Paul again, I will “do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17).
For him! Allow me to humbly suggest that no matter the crushing weight of your own regrets, the way out of that maddening remorse is to stop living for yourself and “live for him” for the rest of your days.
With the help of the One who is holding my hand, that is the path I am on.
Will you join me?
