We all need balcony people
OPINION —
Rejection is painful. Wrapped in cruelty, it can wound and even destroy relationships. Affirmation, on the other hand, strengthens relationships. In a world so broken by violence and rejection, affirmation wrapped in love becomes a welcome pathway to a joyful life.
In her book, Balcony People, Joyce Landorf Heatherley introduced me to the idea of seeing people as either affirmers or evaluators. The concept was life-changing for me, as it was for Heatherley. It was a theory about people that she learned from Keith Miller’s writing. Heatherley joined Miller in calling for Christians to learn to affirm one another.
The conception becomes clearer when we recognize that we all have the choice to live either as “balcony people” or “basement people.” Heatherley calls basement people “irregular” people, those who are difficult to get along with or insensitive to the needs of others. Basement people are friends or family who constantly point out our flaws and pull us down with comments like “You can’t do it.” Balcony people cheer us on by saying “You can do it!” and “You’ve got what it takes!”
The writer of the Book of Hebrews must have had this in mind when he advised us to run with patience the race before us “since we have such a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands.” It inspires me to believe that in my balcony there is “a great cloud of witnesses” leaning over the banisters of heaven pulling for me. That is a remarkable blessing — to know that all my life there have been, in my balcony, people living here and alive in heaven, who have been cheering me on to do the will of my heavenly Father.
Celestra Rowell, who introduced me to Heatherley’s book, Balcony People, one of the most significant gifts I have ever received, and I received it because Grady and Celestra were in my balcony. Following their example, I have given away dozens of copies of the book as a way of saying, “I am in your balcony!”
If I forget this concept, the negative comment of only one basement person can ruin my day. But the greater truth is that it takes the cheers of only one balcony person to deliver me from discouragement. Loving affirmation is truly heart medicine.
Imagine how different our society — so grievously threatened by violence and hatred — could be changed if most of us chose to live in the balcony of other people. Every day, what makes the headlines is someone disparaging another person. Some people are so deep in the basement that their denunciations are filled with hatred and ridicule. How great the need is to restore civility to public discourse in our nation. Would to God there were more men and women willing to live in the balcony and offer those with differing opinions common courtesy and respect.
A helpful exercise is to take paper and pen and list the names of persons who are in your balcony. Hopefully the list will be long enough to cheer you up.
Then make another list with the names of people to whom you are a balcony person. Keep both lists handy.
As you move through the day, look for ways to be in the balcony for the people around you. One of them may be struggling because of a disturbing comment from a basement person. You could be the one person whose kind affirmation could cheer up that person and assist their recovery from a harsh rebuff.
Then, for the rest of your life, decide to be a balcony person for your friends and family, as well as for strangers. Resist the temptation to be everybody’s evaluator or judge. Cultivate an affirming spirit toward others. Refrain from the need to “correct” everything others say around you. Life is too short to waste any of it being hypercritical when you can offer others uplifting encouragement.
People need affirmers. You need affirmers. Choose to be one. If you are wondering if this balcony/basement theory is biblical, remember it was our Lord Jesus who said, “Your care for others is the measure of your greatness” (Luke 9:48, TLB). When Jesus means everything to you, you will want to live and act like Jesus did.
Servants of Jesus, find a seat in the balcony of others!