RELIGION —
Since every person will die, the painful loss of loved ones is inevitable. Sooner or later, most of us will know the pain of walking the lonely journey of grief.
Loss, however, does not have to be endured alone. Support is available. Though our society has spawned a “culture of violence,” that is not the whole story. There are churches, counselors and agencies that are ready to help us walk the difficult road of sorrow. And each of us can offer love and encouragement to someone who is hurting.
This is one of the beautiful aspects of being a human being. Each of us has the opportunity to share one another’s burdens, to offer a shoulder to cry on, or simply “be there” for someone whose pain seems unbearable.
Grief feels like the bottom has fallen out of your world. Your pillow is wet with tears. Someone you loved is missing. A chair at the table is empty. Tools once used are now idle. You feel numb and helpless. Yet life goes on. And you must find a way to go on with your life.
Each of us must learn to deal with the reality of death. Little help is found in reading a poem that says, “I did not die; I am still here with you.” No, the person who died in your arms and was buried last week is actually dead and gone. And every grieving person must find a way to go on living or become a victim of prolonged sorrow.
Once I visited an old man who lived alone. He told me his beloved wife had been dead 20 years. “Would you like to see her room?” he asked. Though puzzled, I said yes. Opening the door to a bedroom, he said, “Everything is just like it was the day she died,” he said. I was stunned by what I saw: an unmade bed with a dress on the footboard, a hair brush and lipstick lying on a dresser with one drawer partially opened, and everything covered with cobwebs. A scene you would expect to see in a horror movie.
I prayed with the old man and departed sorrowfully. I had met a man whose family and friends had failed him. Yes, he had failed himself. But that is why we are in this world — to help a brother or sister find a redemptive way to handle grief. And the truth is, some need more help than others.
Take a look around you. Likely you will find someone struggling with the emotions that grief produces: anger, guilt, bitterness, emptiness, fear and self-pity. You may be able to help that person not by urging them to “get over it and move on” but by simply walking beside them until the pain diminishes. The presence of love will overcome the despair of loneliness.
The privilege of providing loving support to a grieving brother or sister may be the secret of a life well lived. Sooner or later each of us will need that support. That day came for me two years ago when my wife died. And now I can testify that it was the love of my friends, who walked with me, that inspired me to believe that the Lord was holding my hand as I walked through the dark night of sorrow.
Ask the Lord to show you the grieving person to whom you should reach out. Do not worry about what to say. Just be there. If words are needed, the Lord will provide them. You could remind your hurting friend that God hurts too, just like his children hurt when someone dies. He is that kind of God, a God who cares and is ready to help us when we are mourning the loss of a loved one. When Jesus said, “Love one another,” surely that included walking with someone who is struggling on the lonely journey of grief.