In my reading, a phrase grabbed my attention: “Overdue apologies blocked by pride.” I thought, “Yes, I have been there.” I reckon most people have been there. And I continue to be embarrassed by the way pride has often overcome me.
Pride exerts a mighty influence in our lives. When a relationship has been wounded, pride says, “The other person needs to apologize to me; I am the one who was unfairly offended.” So time passes while anger and resentment simmer.
It is not easy to tell pride to go to hell. That’s where it belongs, not in my mind. So easily do I remember a time when an argument disrupted my friendship with a good friend. The Inner Voice kept telling me I needed to apologize. Pride said, “Don’t do it.” Two weeks passed; my misery increased. Finally I went to my friend’s home and apologized. He immediately apologized to me. Our friendship was restored.
Life cannot be lived well without a forgiving spirit. Christians understand that Jesus leaves us no loophole in the matter of forgiving those who hurt us. And everyone gets hurt by someone, and everyone hurts someone else. We all play the hurt game. Jesus made forgiveness absolute when he said:
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NLT)
I discovered after retirement the awesome power of an apology. I had one brother, 11 years younger than me. When he started going to school, I started to college. From that time on, I paid little attention to him. He lived his life; I lived mine. We saw each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
When I retired, we moved back home, into a cabin we had built 42 years earlier, but located only 300 yards from my brother’s home. Soon the inner voice began disturbing me with the thought that it was my fault that my brother and I had a tenuous relationship. I was the older brother, and I had ignored him.
The idea kept troubling me. Then one day a dear friend said, “You need to talk to your brother!” Though her concern was about another matter, I know the inner voice had spoken those words to me through her — and I knew what I needed to say to my brother.
As I drove to his home one afternoon, I was actually praying he would not be home. But when I knocked on the door, my brother greeted me with a smile.
Once inside I said to him, “I have come to ask your forgiveness for not having been the brother I should have been to you.”
My brother did not say a word. He simply put his arms around me and hugged me for what seemed like five minutes. When I looked at him, his eyes were wet with tears, as were mine. We did not discuss the past. But from that moment on, our relationship blossomed. In a few short years, it was like white on rice. Seth and I were as close as the bark on a tree.
Seth and his wife Pearl supported my retirement from ministry at Saint James Church. Seth joined the sanctuary choir, and he and Pearl became faithful members of the Frazer Sunday School Class. God brought us together so we could grow in grace together until the Lord called him home at age 77.
What thwarted a healthy relationship with my brother was indeed an “overdue apology blocked by pride.” But unblocking pride brought me joy that only comes from obeying God.
Examine your relationships. Is an overdue apology troubling you? Is there someone who needs an apology from you? Someone who needs to hear you say, “I was wrong. It was my fault. Please forgive me.”
Pride will tell you that you don’t need to humble yourself and do it. But believe this: You will never receive the joy God wants to give until you are willing to tell your pride to go to hell.
There is one verse in the Bible that convinced me I could not tolerate an unforgiving spirit in my heart. That verse reminds me that because God has forgiven my sins, I have no choice but to forgive those who hurt me.
Embrace this verse. Inwardly digest it. Memorize it. Believe it. Practice it. It will inspire you to make sure there are no overdue apologies dogging you. The verse is powerful wisdom from the Apostle Paul, Ephesians 4:32, my favorite verse in the New Testament:
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
