By WALTER ALBRITTON
RELIGION —
To fail at something can be a bitter experience. But sooner or later everyone will sit in the ashes of defeat because failure is universal. So, to live life well, each of us must rise up from the ashes and decide to not let our life be defined by our failure.
Worry brings no relief. Bitterness makes things worse because it sours our spirit. Regret is useful only if it shows us ways we need to change. Self-despising magnifies your misery.
Sadness about failure is normal and understandable. Yet eventually sadness must give way to joy if we are to move on with the flow of life.
In the dark days of our lives, we can learn to look for light where we can find it. The words of Thomas Carlyle are helpful: “The eternal stars shine out as soon as it is dark enough.” If we gaze up into the dark sky long enough, finally we can see the stars shining.
Life is not all sunshine and sweetness. There will be sad and lonely days, but we can choose to crawl out of our misery. Longfellow understood this reality:
Be still, sad heart, and cease repining,
Behind the clouds the sun is shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all;
Into each life some rain must fall, —
Some days must be dark and dreary.
Adversity is a great teacher. We learn much more from our failure than our success. Success often leads to pride, and pride causes us to stumble. “Pride and weakness,” Lowell said, “are Siamese twins.”
When we fall, we need to ask what caused us to fall, and resolve to improve wherever improvement is possible. Only a fool continues to make the same mistake repeatedly. We can learn not to do certain things again. Unless we do, we will never enjoy success again.
Sometimes people get ahead by stepping on others. It hurts when someone else gets the promotion you thought you deserved. When that happens, you have a choice. You can stew over it and complain bitterly. You can scream and cry that you were wronged. None of that will help. It only makes you more miserable.
To recover from a disappointment is usually to rise above it. Washington Irving said it well: “Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above it.” He was right. We can refuse to be subdued by our defeats and become better people because of them.
Anger is a dead-end street. Problems are never solved by tearing our hair out, though some people try it. Baldness will not soothe our sorrows. Though it is normal to become angry with those who hurt us, we must learn to calm down and find a way to move forward.
When someone hurts us, we deepen our pain by refusing to forgive the person who has wronged us. Years can be lost by holding onto hatred and resentment. Hatred is a chain that ties you to the person you hate. The only way ever to be free is to forgive. Forgiveness breaks the chain and sets you free.
A failure, sorrow, hurt or disappointment is a wall in the highway you must travel. If you cannot find a way to get around it, or dig your way under it, then ask the good Lord to help you get over it. If you get over it, you can move on with your life. Life will not be perfect, but it will be sweeter, and you will be able to share with your friends: “I’m over it!”