CONTRIBUTED BY THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
OPELIKA —
Alan Griffith, retired pastor of 34 years and recent author, addressed the March gathering of The Compassionate Friends.
The monthly meeting, held at the white house of the First Presbyterian Church on the corner of 3rd and 10th streets in Opelika, is open to anyone seeking grief support after the death of a child, no matter the age of the child.
Griffith spoke to attendees about his own grief journey after the death of his wife and the sudden death of his son a year later. His book, “What Not to Say to a Grieving Heart,” was written expressly for those who may be seeking to comfort those bereaved individuals suffering from the sadness of the loss of a loved one. The book chronicles the lessons Griffith learned through his personal grief experience. His book was written to help those comforting the bereaved know what to do and what not to say in order to be of genuine comfort.
According to Griffith, it has been his experience that most people are uncomfortable with the topic of death and the grief of those left in the aftermath of death. His experience led him to write “What Not to Say to a Grieving Heart.” He said most people, even with well-meaning words, often fall short of their good intentions.
“There is nothing you can say that can be helpful,” Griffith writes in his book. “People often say things that are true but not helpful, some say words not true at all and others repeat clichés that should never be said at all.”
Griffith suggests instead to “just be there.” Look for supportive actions you can take which may be needed to support the grieving survivor. Set up a support group within your church or other organization to visit the bereaved. Simple tasks that the grieving party may not feel up to doing for themselves like cleaning the house, cooking meals, cutting the grass or running errands can be a helpful way to show your care and concern. Better still, be willing to sit with the bereaved and listen while they talk, Griffith advised. It is not necessary to have answers for their questions, and one shouldn’t feel the need to try and make sense of the loss. It is enough to just listen so those suffering the loss can feel free to cry and express their feelings. Never say to a grieving heart “Call if you need anything,” as most people suffering a deep loss will most likely never call.
Griffiths’ purpose for writing the book, he said, was to help those seeking to be comforters of the bereaved to gain more insight into what to do, and more importantly, what not to say. Griffiths’ book can be purchased from Amazon.
The next meeting of The Compassionate Friends will be held Thursday, April 6. Anyone needing more information should contact Lynne and Jerry Schwarzauer at 334-663-4345.