By Stacey WallaceAs I have previously mentioned in this column, my husband Mike and I love to travel, and visiting all 50 states is on our bucket list. Also, we wanted to take an Alaskan cruise because we had heard that it would be a lot of fun. Nope. Unfortunately, our first cruise was our last cruise, or “one and done,” as the cliché states.
We discovered almost immediately that we are “landlubbers” and not seafarers. We prefer: 1. to stand on dry, solid ground which does not shift; 2. to have a car; 3.to come and go when and where we please with no time limit; 4. to eat large quantities of delicious food.
First of all, even though we thankfully didn’t get seasick, sometimes the northern Pacific Ocean would cause our feet to sway from side to side; I only want to experience that while dancing. Also, since I watched “The Poseidon Adventure” and “Titanic”, the shifting ship scared me (Remember, I like alliteration.).
Now, we did enjoy a few activities: attending a nautical church service, playing trivia, having afternoon tea (Mike was a good sport and went with me.), watching a live show and going on three excursions. Unfortunately, we were mostly bored because the other activities didn’t interest us; also, our cabin and bathroom weren’t big enough for two Smurfs, much less two “Pooh-sized” people.
The excursion we looked forward to the most was whale watching in Juneau. However, that was a letdown, too. We didn’t even see a “spout” for an hour. Then when three different humpback whales showed up (one lone female and a Mama and her baby), I only saw a tail and a small part of their humpbacks; Mike saw more because he stayed in one part of the ship while I kept changing sides. The whales simply refused to “breach,” which means to jump out of the water.
And we had traveled 2,865 miles and paid dearly to see the sight; whales just don’t care.
In addition, we were assigned to one primary restaurant, at which we dined twice. Once, we were turned away because Mike wasn’t wearing a coat and tie; we had failed to notice that the attire for the night was listed as, “gala,” which means you’d better dress up or no supper for you.
Mike said it best, “It’s like we’re in steerage.” The two nights we dined there, the food was not the fare we are used to eating, but it was pretty good. However, only about a third of the plate had food on it. I laughed out loud at a paltry appetizer I ordered. Those folks must only cater to skinny people.
On one of our other five LONG days on the ship, we went to a very elegant restaurant and paid an extra $90 for the privilege. However, the food was really delicious, by far the best we had in seven nights.
For the other four dinners (suppers), we moved like cattle in a buffet with almost 2,000 people. Most of the food, with a few exceptions, wasn’t that good. For instance, the “Southern fried chicken” was an insult to Southerners everywhere. It was a flat, thin patty that had little taste. Mike and I couldn’t wait to get back to Lee County and eat the real thing. Also, Mike tried the seafood; believe me, they didn’t get it from the Gulf of Mexico. The restaurant’s breakfast fare and pizza were better, though.
How bad was the food? When we FINALLY disembarked in Vancouver, British Columbia, Mike weighed himself on the scale in our hotel restroom; he’d lost six pounds ON A CRUISE. I was afraid to weigh because I had eaten more than he had.
Many of our friends love cruises; more power to them. When we arrived home at 1:45 a.m., Mike kissed our garage door and my car inside it. I was too tired. But I digress; on to my review.
Another one of our recent travels was as delightful as always. We went to Orange Beach on Mother’s Day, the first one without my sweet Mama, and I had been dreading it.
When we arrived at the beach, I walked out on the balcony of our condo, admired the beautiful Gulf of Mexico and its white sand beaches, closed my eyes and inhaled the salty air. Immediately, God soothed my heart and soul with one of His most beautiful creations.
One night, Mike and I decided to dine at a new restaurant, COASTAL-Orange Beach, at 25722 Perdido Beach Blvd.
Hal Buck, the restaurant’s general manager, was very kind and gave us what had to be the best seat in the house, although there were no bad seats. Our table was within the restaurant, but we had an open-air view of our beloved beach. Diners could also sit on the covered patio for that breathtaking view. And we weren’t even charged extra for it, and Mike didn’t have to wear a coat and tie.
Mindy, our server, was a complete delight, being so helpful and patient. We happened to come on the second day that the restaurant had opened. You certainly couldn’t tell it. The cliché fits: They had it running like a well-oiled machine.
For our appetizer, Mike and I chose the pimento cheese, which was “house-made” white cheddar pimento cheese with seasonal jam, praline pecans and seasonal fruit (luscious red grapes) with assorted crackers. Oh, my three times. It was wonderful!
Mike ordered the Gulf Coast chicken sandwich, but asked that they hold the tomato, onion and lettuce, the good-for-you items. I chose the jumbo Gulf shrimp platter, which came with COASTAL slaw and house fries, which I shared with Mike.
For dessert, we shared a huge, delectable piece of key lime cheesecake that was slap-your-Grandma-twice good. Again, I really hope that Lynn Hudson, my amazing endocrinologist in Opelika, isn’t reading this particular column. Not that it really matters; unfortunately, blood work doesn’t lie.
Trust me, run and don’t walk to COASTAL-Orange Beach. This restaurant is now a favorite of ours at our favorite beach in the world.
Besides our terrific appetizers, COASTAL also serves diners yellowfin tuna dip, island grouper bites, crab claws, crispy gumbo bites and Gulf coast blue crab dip, among others. The restaurant also offers soup and salads, as well as a large variety of sandwiches, platters and desserts. Some entrees include Gulf grouper, Cajun chicken pasta, filet mignon, bone-in ribeye and local crab cakes.
COASTAL-Orange Beach is open on Sunday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. and on Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.
COASTAL-Orange Beach makes the grade with an A+ from this retired school teacher. Remember, “Pooh-sized” people NEVER lie about food. Enjoy!
Stacey Patton Wallace, who retired from teaching language arts for 30 years, is a professional diner. Her column, “Making the Grade,” will appear every other week in The Observer. Stacey may be reached at retiredlangartsteacher2020@gmail.com