A night of firsts

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As I type the words to this article on my laptop, I am visually reminded of what happened in our home last night. In my 42 years on this earth, last night was one of the oddest, yet one of the most memorable, nights I’ve ever had. It was a night of firsts, to say the least.

I got my nails done but not by a professional. They were done by Emily, my 7-year-old. I hadn’t felt very well all day long, so I was laid up in the bed. Lucy, my wife, was out to dinner with her mom. Emily had been out to dinner with her dad. I was resting comfortably when it all happened.

For some reason, Emily asked if she could put lipstick on me, but I flat out refused to let that happen. I can’t recall how it was presented, but I somehow agreed to let the fingernail painting begin.

Since I’m an Army guy, we decided to go with green; however, it did not stop at green. It soon became a glittery green with purple dots, and that was just the left hand. The nails on the right hand became a glittery yellow with white dots. I’m just happy none of my Army buddies were around to witness this firsthand, although they would later see it on Facebook.

She asked if she could do my toes, but I had to respectfully decline. I don’t like people touching my feet, even if they are cute little 7-year-olds.

The fingernail painting festivities made Emily happy, which in turn made me happy. She took it so seriously. She even brought me a book to read while my nails dried. Once they dried, it was time to apply my makeup.

I have a hard time believing I just typed that.

As she was slapping the blush on my face, I heard the keys go into the front door downstairs. Lucy was home. As soon as she stepped through that door, Emily yelled, “Mamma, come upstairs!”

“Oh my gosh!” Lucy said, as she stood there in temporary disbelief. I say temporary, because in no time she was in on the action. By the time she was through with me, I had on blush, mascara, eyeliner, concealer, lipstick, and fake eyelashes, and, honestly, I looked good. I didn’t want to take it off.

As Lucy applied the glue and stuck the second fake eyelash onto my eyelid, she said, “I’ve never done this before.” It was so nice and reassuring to hear those words. A few minutes later, my eyes were glued shut like a 2-day-old puppy.

Lucy was laughing, and Emily thought it was hysterical. The dog looked at me with disgust. Then, out of nowhere, Emily asked, “Can I shave your legs?”

“Absolutely not,” I said. “That is never going to happen, so don’t hold your breath. Well, at least not until it gets colder, and I’m no longer wearing shorts.” I can’t believe I left the opportunity open like that because Emily never forgets anything, and neither do I.

It was a great night. We all laughed uncontrollably at times, which was exactly what we needed. Often we are overwhelmed by the seriousness of life. Sometimes we simply need to let all that go and just have fun, and we did just that.

And it was all fun and games, until it was time to remove the makeup. Let’s just say that it’s a whole lot easier to remove camouflage from your face than it is to remove waterproof eyeliner. I’ve done it one time and never want to do it again, at least not until I’m asked to do it again by a certain sweet little seven year old, because there’s nothing sweeter than a happy child.

Jody Fuller is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier. He can be reached at jody@jodyfuller.com.

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