Sugar overload

Last week I turned 55. Today I ate leftover birthday cake and freezer burned ice cream for breakfast. I can’t tell you why. It wasn’t really good, but I stuck with it until the bottom of the bowl because I’m not a quitter.
My eating habits have gotten out of control. I need an intervention.
In my own defense I have given up soft drinks. It is my sixth day without the fizzy liquid I have been drinking since near birth. I remember the taste of it in my baby bottle. That is probably an indication I was too old to be drinking out of a baby bottle, but we had a part time housekeeper who loved me and gave me anything I wanted – I was maybe four.
The “Coke Man” delivered cases to our carport. He would probably have gotten in trouble if his boss had known, but we were definitely on his route. We probably bought as many cases as some small stores.
There is still something so perfectly nostalgic about a Coke in a glass bottle.
My momentous decision to go cold turkey off cola followed an article I read about how dropping them could turn back the clock on skin and bones, two of my personal favorites. I am a prime candidate for osteoporosis, and I already have ancient skin, thanks to endless attempts to tan as a youth. I figured giving up this one thing would be worth a try.
There hasn’t been any miraculous change, due in part to the soft drinks being replaced by every other sweet known to man. I have made three batches of caramel corn and plowed through three cakes (well it was my birthday). We gave out little bags of chocolate, graham crackers and marshmallows for Halloween, which we ended up finishing.
I have started drinking a lot of water, which is good, but when you are using it to wash down candy, ice cream and cake, it seems a moot point.
I have noticed a slight change in the dark circles under my eyes but no change in the spare tire around my midsection.
I know I have to do better. I guess I have just been treating myself for giving up something that I consider a near necessity. I have been drinking occasional coffee, and oddly enough I don’t enjoy coffee with sweets. That is more or less due to the fact that my coffee IS a sweet.
The bathroom scale has been stashed in the back of my closet. It is not my friend. Yoga pants are a staple, only I don’t do yoga. The closest thing to exercise I’ve done in months was walking in high heels at a wedding a couple of weeks ago. I couldn’t get home and into my slippers fast enough! I even missed the wedding cake because my legs and feet were hurting so bad. Of course, I celebrated the happy couple by buying a cake the next day.
This is getting ridiculous. I am a sugar addict. Are there any support groups for people like me? “My name is Angie and I am a “cakeaholic”.
Please, if you see me out, notice how full and smooth my face is getting. We don’t have to discuss the rest of the story. I’ll pull myself out of this. Just let me give up one thing at a time, after December. This month will end with Thanksgiving; a time when we gather together, give thanks and eat pie.
I am doomed.
Angie Brown is a humorist who loves being a wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Opelika with her husband of 31 years and four of their seven children.